I got your fucking Secret right here, brother!

I paid to see the movie, "The Secret" the other day. For those of you never having seen the movie or heard about it before... everyone is talking about it. It's the new craze in self-improvement bullshit on the market, and cudos for them on making a shitload of money in the process.

It was worth the five dollars I paid online to view it just for the priceless content it's going to provide my blog! If the point of the Secret project was to get all the easily persuaded and clueless lazy fuckheads out there to feel better about themselves by getting them to believe they can physically manifest anything they want simply by thinking about it long and hard enough, then mission accomplished. Speaking of which, I've got something long and hard too that will make you feel better upon viewing it.

Check out you tube and type in Secret, and you can view literally hundreds of assholes going on and on about the "Law of Attraction" and how being able to manipulate the universe to their liking has worked for them and helped them make millions online working from home. Well what can I say, the law of attraction is true... insofar as you're talking about corpses attracting maggots or shit attracting flies!

The simple fact that the Secret is out supports my hypothesis that you can't fucking tell Oprah anything and expect her to keep it to herself. Thanks to this loudmouth bitch, this seemingly amazingly effective school of thought - which has been preserved and kept confidential over thousands of years by kings and leaders worldwide has now been released to the masses. We're all going to die. Thanks a whole lot Oprah!

Now that everyone knows the Secret and is too busy wanting shit and no longer doing shit, they are unfairly manipulating my universe. I can't let this happen! If this seemingly utopian society becomes a reality, and people become millionaires simply by thinking about it long enough, who is going to cook my fucking dinner and do my fucking drycleaning, and need the money bad enough to suck me off in the aisles of Toys R Us anymore? Fuck the Secret! Fuck Oprah!

There's a reason it was supposed to be a Secret, people. Only the most intelligent and powerful ever had the ablity and know-how to keep the lid on whole chaos that was the Secret. I honestly don't think Larry the pixie dust spreader at the county fair was intended to know about the Secret and its power of physical manifestation and manipulation of the universe.

Seriously though, there are two types of people out there. There are the flies that swarm to and eat this shit up without so much as a fleeting doubt, and then there those who see the Secret for what it is - an ingeniously simple, yet expensive means by which a bunch of rich ass bags with connections and editing equipment having found yet another way to take advantage of people that are either depressed or down on their luck and are searching for some truth or meaning in life.

You want to notice the biggest difference between the two classes of people? Start a converstation with anyone at all. If they see the self-development industry for anything more than a bullshit means by which to make money while fucking others out of theirs, then ask them if they've seen the Secret. Tell them it's the greatest thing ever, just warn them to keep their dirty little universe to themselves after watching it. Now, If they tell you to go fuck yourself when you ask them if they have seen the Secret, they're the intelligent thinker... either that or they're not getting sucked off anymore.